Looks Like Someone Finally Paid Attention....

Re: An E-Male
by predicto
02/23/2009, 10:37 PM #

Two scarey G-Men were beamed onto my front porch from a cloaked and silenced black heliocopter hovering just above the Oak Treetops about 100 feet. Yep, they've got a beam down device, now, and they can virtually appear just about anywhere at any time. I've known this for months since I accidentally blundered into a secret tinfoil hat configuration that lets me listen into their calls and blocks out the mind-beam penetration the rest of the population is enduring. Then when I found that reinforcing this configuration with muffler tape makes it exponentially more effective in all ways, I knew they'd be after me like that ring that guy had in the fairy-tale movie. They didn't come right out and ask for the tinfoil hat. They mostly beat around the bush on superfluous matters, such as God, Guns and Presidents, but I could tell their darting, fearsome eyes were looking for any sign of where I might store my secret hat. Its so secret, they don't even want me to know they know about it, but they can't fool me. I know that the moment two sinister goons like this have my hat, I'm meat. The fact is, this configuration is so simple, a kid could do it, but like most tricks of the trade, they are ingenious only after someone has shown you how to do it easily. Muffler tape was pretty much an after-thought, a bit of genius. Before the G-men beamed back up, I wore my hat and beamed mind beam backlog back to them and now, everything they see that I write looks like Grimm's Fairy Tales.

They wanted to know if I could hit the President in the head at more than 200 yards or was I just kidding around at being limited. I explained that my blood pressure makes the reticles jump 3 inches at two hundred yards, and I felt that was the outter limit of my performance. They then wanted to know if O'bummer went to Seattle would I shoot him, and I told them I wouldn't drive in Seattle traffic topay Homage to the One and Only let alone to shoot an illegal alien even if he is the president. They understood, and so if O'bummer comes to the Northwest, they are going to entertain him in Tacoma Dome on the other side of Seattle. I told him that's alright with me. May as well be on the moon outta my reach as far as I was concern. And I told them there is one other big reason I don't shoot the president. They leaned in close and conspiratorily. I looked 'em right into their steely, assassin's eyes and told 'em, "I'm a chicken." They nodded their heads and pondered this for a minute and soon they were gone after a little polite talk, a short tour of the place in case one of their grandmother's get sick, yeah, sure... looking for that hat. They didn't know that with my tinfoil hat on, when their cloaked heliocopter flies over the bay, I can see the reflection of the chopper in the sky. Kinda a reverse vampire thing.

I suspect they might drop in around crab season to get a couple of fresh Dungenese Crabs for the president when he comes to the Tacomadome. And that's when I'll get him. I will fanatically train them as Suicide Bomber Crabs and promise them 72 naked Lobsters in Crab heaven full of seal bitten silvers littering the bottom. I will fit their claws with deliberately weakend rubber bands so they can free their bonds and make a mad dash for the president at just the right moment....

Don't bother sending this to the G-men. Mac and Mike (The Steeley eyed Government Assassin Beefcake sent to me to scare me away from praying for the president to get shot- it worked, but ONLY because I am a chicken) can't read anything secret like this. Cuzza the whammy I put on them with my secret MTRTH just before they beamed up.

Until Crab Season, then, G-men!

Dd